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Resident Evil - [SLUS-00747]
Description
The story begins in superposition with the supreme conscious observer (you) choosing between two metaphysical realities, the boy, Chris Redfield or the girl, Jill Valentine.
You select between their two identification cards, immediately arousing an introspective paradox that will make you question whether your identity came from you, or actually, you spawned from an identity the observer chose for you.
We press 'start' to begin.
Today is March 22nd, 1996.
Exactly two years from now, on July 24th, 1998, Racoon City, Special Tactics And Rescue Service, (S.T.A.R.S.) is sent on a very Special mission to investigate a series of crow gatherings in the Arklay Mountains, a local hiking destination behind the City.
Also, some hikers disappeared and were later found to have been cannabalized by a group of Very Suspicious characters.
Bravo Team was first on the scene, but instead, they accidentally crashed their helicopter on a valley in the mountains.
After that, Alpha Team was sent to investigate and find out what, if anything, could have happened to them.
Upon arrival, things look foggy, but then, when it's just a little too quiet, Joseph discovers, to his surprise, that infamous handservent from The Addams Family; Thing, holding a beretta.
Distracted and grossed out by the idea of a disembodied hand crawling around like a spider and doing things, he fails to notice the fast approaching wiener hounds coming to eat him.
They eat him.
Then, when the other team members notice his boom-stick blasts and see the ravenous wiener dogs coming, they start shooting their pistols in his general direction and running away.
Brad, their pilot, figures they've got it covered on the ground so he flies off to investigate somewhere else, and now, they've got to find another way to escape those viscous drool glazed wienerdog maws advancing on them through the forest.
The Alpha Team is forced to haul-butt to the nearby mansion that those waddling hotdogs were employed to protect, and, just barely, they manage to escape into the eerily slow opening doors of the house.
This is where the real story begins.
Based on Real Future Events in the Past.
The Most Significant Story of All Time.
You Thought it was Safe. And Yet...
So pretty much what happened here, is, Gomez and Morticia ran off to Albania in 1987 to become deth eaters because it sounded downright dreadful.
However, once they arrived, Tom Riddle immediately recognized them for muggles and transfigured them into unicorn blood, (his favorite at the time), which he drank from a crevice at the base of the tree he lived in during that period.
Word traveled fast of their disappearance.
Later, Wednesday and Pugsly discovered the fortune in gold dabloons their dad had stashed in the booby-trapped basement, entered at behind the bookshelf secret door in his study.
Pugsly had spent the last decade drawing monsters in his notepad. One he was quite proud of was a Half-Frog, Half-Gorilla with sharp teeth and talons.
Now fully funded, they set to work making it happen.
Later in the story, you learn how this thing was made by splicing the genes of a bull-frog with a chimpanze, a chicken, and a moody house cat named Samantha.
Unfortunately, it also poops out a methylated aluminum sulfur compound that retards the pre/post frontal/anal cortex and the amygdala of all other biological lifeforms in its presence.
This resulted in all exposed scientists working on the project to forget about self-care, hygiene, and become insatiable gluttons.
And therefore, as you'll see for yourself, everyone had become hyper-focused on two central thoughts:
1. Itchy
2. Tasty
Chris (Charlie) and Jill (Inezh) dissolved into the game, jumanji style, back in 1996 when they shot actual footage of themselves in the future (1998).
The other cast members followed suit proving that ontological escape is actually a real thing and destroying the laws of physics as we know it.
Doomed to forever roll the metaphysical metaphorical metarock up the metahill for all metaeternity
Control their destinys from the comfort of your bean bag chair.
When you slap this thing into your Playstation that you bought from a pawn shop with a gold coin in the summer of 1995 and the laser diode examines the pits n' lands of this masterpiece and casts decoded binary blobs from the virtual twilight zone via optical projections into your cortex which will then cast the decoded synaptic blobs back into your own ontological twilight zone via cosmosis, you will learn the answer to the most important question ever asked:
What is the true meaning of your existence?
You have to experience it to understand.
Or as popular protagonist Barry Burton might say:
It's REALLY POWERFUL
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DISC ONLY - FLAWLESS CONDITION
Official Trailer:
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=B1p9VYx-o_U
Actual Gameplay:
https://yewtu.be/watch?v=UYWKT4dwjiM
Category: Games
Tags: Games, Collectibles, 90s, Playstation, Gold, Silver, Platinum, Food, Zombies, Survival, Horror
Trust rating: Green
Published on: January 4, 2026
Views: 7
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